Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
