I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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