Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
