Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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