Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
