i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
