watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I need a beard to bite.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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