The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
