i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This is my gift to your gina
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
