he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
