just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
