so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
