Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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