You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
