***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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