dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
