I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
