Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
