I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
