im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
