So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
