So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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