The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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