you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
