I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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