Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
