What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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