I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
