you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
