You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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