That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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