Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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