I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My ass is underappreciated
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
