The maid of honor just puked.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
