now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
