So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
