Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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