He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
