are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
