I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize