I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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