She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
