The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
