Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
