He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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