someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
there was a trapeze. enough said
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
