I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
