He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
