She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
