just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
