I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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