Already got asked if we're dating
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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