The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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