I CAN MOONWALK!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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