we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
