Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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