That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
