Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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