I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
