Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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