16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
