i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
