1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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