bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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