Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize