wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
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