I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
