You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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