2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
