I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
