His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
