How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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