Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
are you so shy because you have an std?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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