Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
