My liver just broke up with me...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My feet surprised me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize