good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
