If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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