I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
