Are we in a gay sports bar?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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