Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
