Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
