Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
