and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
