i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
