i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
