im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
